Jack's Journal
by Kingdom Come
Summary: Will the words written within the pages show Chase how Jack's true feelings for him, or is it all just a misunderstanding? CHACK. rated T for later chapters. please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not (although I wish I did) own Xiaolin Showdown or any of its characters...that is all.

Entry One:

It was another gray and dismal day in the life of Jack Spicer. He sat in his dark hollow he called a lab, brooding over his consistent failures. His attempts at world domination were ill-fated at best. In fact he couldn't manage to maintain a healthy alliance with anyone for more than a few days before being double crossed. Wuya was gone...for good, and what could jack do about it? Not much. After all, she was now with Chase Young of all people. She wouldn't come back to him..._He _wouldn't come back to him. He remembered how envious he was of him, Omi that is, when Chase chose him to be his apprentice...and not him. He could have changed, with the proper training. Only, no one had bothered to give him another chance. What he would have given to be at Chase's right hand...

So how was he to deal with the bitterness of failure. He lifted a pen off of the nearby table. He twirled it within his grasp and thought for a few moments. He left his dank and dismal basement and stormed up to his room, not knowing that he was being watched. He flew into his room and pulled a small black journal from his bookshelf. He flipped it open to the first blank page and began scribbling down words, furiously, as though whatever he was writing about was causing him a great deal of turmoil.

He then stopped. His eyes examined the content of the page. He let out a sigh.

"But...that's not how I feel...I think I'm just angry...and jealous..." He whispered, tearing the page and crumpling it up into a ball upon the floor.

_Jealous of who?_ He thought as he watched Jack from the shadows.

A melancholy smile then came across Jack's face as he began to jot something new down in his book. This time, he sat, being sure to word everything precisely and carefully. Instead of a long and incessant rambling, Jack had written something worthwhile. He closed the journal, stuffed it under his pillow and then left the room.

Chase emerged from the Shadows of Jack's dark abode. Truth be told, he wasn't sure why he was there in the first place. He merely found himself drawn to Jack, for whatever reason (he was sure that gravity was a factor in his initial attraction to the boy, but there was more to it than that). Chase made his way deeper into the room, once he was sure that Jack was gone for good. He reached for the journal and opened to the page that Jack had just written. As it turned out, there was a poem written on the inside:

_If only I could be angry,_

_Angry that you won't see me,_

_Angry that you wont spare a glance,_

_Angry that you'd never give me_

_the time of day._

_If only I could be angry,_

_Angry that I took a chance on you,_

_Angry that I believed you had a heart,_

_Angry that I lead myself on_

_to believe I had a chance._

_If only I could be angry,_

_Angry that you never realized_

_how much you hurt me,_

_Angry that you never cared_

_Angry that you stole my heart._

_If only I could be angry,_

_but sadly I can't be._

_Not at you that is,_

_I could never be angry at you,_

_not now and maybe not ever._

_If only I could be angry,_

_but I won't be._

_And I will wait_

_in false anger,_

_for you to finally come around..._

"It doesn't rhyme..." Chase grumbled disdainfully, as he closed the journal and stuffed it under Jack's pillow. Chase let out a sigh as he left Jack's abode and returned to his own. Only, Chase couldn't help but wonder who the poem was really about. He would have claimed to feel indifferently towards the situation, but inside, he really wished that Jack's feelings expressed in his poem...were about him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jack stared miserably out of the rain soaked window of his second story bedroom. he pulled a cigarette from the box on his nightstand next to the window and the lighter from his pocket. He then pushed the window open, to let the smoke out, and the rain in. Jack seemed to have only two vices lately. Writing and smoking. And, as it would seem, the more he tried to do either, his parents tried to stop him.

"Jack Spicer!" His mother shouted, "You'd better not be smoking up there!"

"I'm not mom!" Jack growled, taking another breath of carcinogens, 'You frigid old cow..."

"For your sake you'd better not!" She shouted, as Jack could hear her feet pounding up the stairs. He panicked and did the only thing he could think to do. He pulled the cigarette on to his tongue and in to his mouth. His mother then swung the door open. To her shock she found no cigarette and no ashes. She scoffed as she slammed the door shut behind her. At that point, Jack spit the burning cigarette out of the window.

"Ow..." Jack cried, waving his hand over his burnt tongue.

"Your mother's right," Chase began, emerging from the shadows of Jack's room, "Those things will kill you, and they make you smell like an ash tray...not very attractive in my opinion."

"I'm surprised that you care," Jack scoffed, lighting another cigarette. He offered it to Chase, who nodded his head in refusal, "Your loss," Jack replied indifferently, "What are you doing here anyway? Do want something or what!?"

"I read your journal," Chase replied abruptly, "Just the first entry anyway...And I'm sorry I guess...I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain...believe me it was unconsciously done."

"Oh please Chase," Jack replied, taking another drag, "I write a lot in that journal...believe me, my universe does not revolve around you!"

"Excuse me?" Chase replied, completely offended, "I believe otherwise!"

"Oh really," Jack laughed, walking over to Chase. He blew a cloud of toxic smoke into his face, and Chase began to cough and fan the vapors away from his face, "Because I don't think it was about you...not at all..."

"So you're saying that you've never had any interest in me?" Chase began, "And that you weren't hurt by my theoretical rejection?"

"Theoretically?" Jack began, coldly, "Not at all."

"Then you won't mind if I do this," Chase snapped, extinguishing Jack's cigarette. He pulled Jack close to him and pressed his lips against his. Their tongues then became intertwined. And soon, they found themselves on Jack's bed, removing their clothes.

*****

"Funny," Jack began, taking a drag of a cigarette, staring out of the window once again, now that the rain had stopped. He was wearing absolutely nothing, other than an over sized tee-shirt. Chase was laying, completely naked, under the sheets, awaiting Jack's return.

"What's funny?" Chase replied, as Jack turned back to him.

"It's just," Jack began, leaning against the window sill, "All that poetry...all that music, those songs, about a moment that barely lasts..."

"Was it uncomfortable for you?" Chase inquired, gesturing that Jack come back to him.

"Only for the first bit," Jack replied, turning, looking back out of the window, "After that it wasn't so bad...I don't understand what all the fuss was about though."

"Well I'd best be on my way then," Chase began, rising from the bed. He walked over to Jack, kissed his forehead and then disappeared. Jack let out a sigh and then began to smile. He pulled the journal from under his mattress and turned to a blank page, then wrote:

_Getting what you want..._

_Feels pretty damn good...  
_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_3 months later..._

"So have you told her yet?" Jack inquired softly as he layed upon Chase's body underneath the covers of his bed. Chase made no reply for several long minuets. Jack looked up as his eyes met with Chase's, "Well have you?"

"Told who?" Chase asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know," Jack replied, frustrated as he sat upright on the bed, "_Her_..."

"Wuya," Chase sighed, "Yeah I told her."

"How'd she take it?" Jack replied, feeling a little dizzy all of a sudden.

"Better than I though she would have," Chase smiled rising from under the covers as he placed his bare feet on the cold wood floor below him, "Are you alright? Not quite sober yet?"

"Not quite," Jack smiled, looking paler than usual, "Do you have any sober juice?"

"Sober what?" Chase laughed.

"Coffee," Jack smiled, falling back down against his pillow.

"No," Chase shrugged, laying back down next to him, "But I can make some..."

"That would be great," Jack smiled as he watched Chase leave the room. he let out a deep sigh as he turned over on his side and stared dismally into the ceiling before him. There were many things on his mind, but for now he felt it was best to keep his feelings to himself.

"Jack?" Chase asked. This startled him, for he had completely lost track of time, and he now realized that he had been staring blankly into the abyss for nearly twenty minuets, "Is something wrong?" he questioned, extending a cup out towards him.

'I'm fine..." Jack replied quietly as he took the cup.

"You don't seem fine," Chase replied.

"I'm okay," he smiled, "really...I-I think I need a moment alone though..."

"Okay," Chase replied, rising from the bed, preparing to leave the room. But before he did so, he turned to Jack, leaned down, kissed his forehead and whispered: _Love you..._

_Entry #16 (Don't write nearly as much as I should...)_

_Things between Chase and I...are complicated. I know he has a girlfriend, potential fiancee actually, or at least he claimed he HAD one. I think that the two of them are still together, he just can't bring himself to tell her that he's sleeping with her former protogee, her sixteen year old MALE former protogee. I know I wouldn't be thrilled to hear that_._ I think that lately however I'm feeling more like a lover than a boyfriend. The kind that people try and hide from everyone. it's not that I mind...it's just that if he claims that he loves me...oh yeah, forgot to mention that. he told me that he loved me today. Right after the sex of course. I mean, I've been waiting months for him to say it, and I always saw it when he was looking at me, during that is, but it doesn't really mean anything until you can say it right? Or is that just another stupid teenage ideal about romance that most kids under the age of seventeen have?_

_What bothers me about the whole situation is that I couldn't bring myself to say it back. God knows I want to. And God knows that it's not just about the sex (despite how good said sex might be, it's not only about the sex) and it's not just about Chase being so FUCKING HOT. I mean, I want to tell Chase how much he means to me, because he does. And I do want to tell him. It's just that everytime I try to say 'I Love You' I turn retarded and my mind goes blank. it's just three little words right? Or is that just another teenage ideal about love? because if you think about it, we really don't know what love is...we're just kids._

_I want someone to tell me what is should do. But you can't...obviously you're a book. But all I'm asking for is to be pointed in the right direction. Should I tell him I love him? Do I really mean it? Did he really mean it? Does he really want this? Do I?  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_3 more moths later  
_

"So we're going out tonight?" Jack inquired quietly, holding his cell phone close to his ear as so his parents couldn't hear him.

"Who's on the phone," His mother nagged, trying to pry an answer out of her son.

"It's no one mom," Jack growled, swatting his mother away from him.

"Doesn't sound like a nobody," Jack's snooty father laughed from behind a copy of the wall street journal, "Sounds to me like you've got a little date tonight."

"Oh that's wonderful!" His mother exclaimed, "Who is she!"

"None of your business!" Jack shouted, trying to pry the phone away from his parents. He seized the cellular device and dashed up to his room, leaving his mother and father thoroughly confused, "Sorry about that...my parent's they're..."

'Overbearing," Chase replied from the opposite end of the phone, "I'm aware...so you haven't come out to them yet?"

'I don't intend to," Jack replied boldly, "Not for some time that is."

"Have it your way then..." Chase sighed, obviously disappointed, "I'll be around at eight...if you don't want your parents finding out, I'd make an effort to be outside before I get there."

"Fair enough," Jack nodded, "I'll see you soon..."

"Alright," Chase replied, and Jack wasn't sure how he knew this, but it was almost as though he could sense him smiling from over the phone lines, "Goodbye."

"Wait Chase, before you hang up!" Jack called.

"What is it?" Chase inquired.

'I..." Jack began, chocking on the words, 'I...I can't wait to see you..."

'Likewise," Chase replied, hanging up the phone. Jack put his cell down upon the window sill and looked dismally out into the clear skies. He started banging his fists against his head in frustration as he shouted the words:

"GOD DAMMIT JACK! IT'S JUST THREE WORDS!"

* * *

So Chase had picked up Jack promptly at eight, which made the evening entirely to weird to begin with. First, Chase was dressed normally. Second, he was driving...(just try and grasp that concept). Third, Chase was behind the wheel of an automobile. Fourth, Jack didn't even know Chase had a license. And fifth, Wuya was with them. This frightened Jack for he was afraid that Chase was going to out them both tonight.

_Please dear God..._Jack thought, _Please let Chase keep his mouth shut..._ In essence, the entire ride was awkward. Jack, being Jack, wanted nothing more than to be all over Chase from the moment he entered the vehicle till the moment he left. Although Wuya was doing a pretty good job of that for him. And there was little room for conversation since the 'couple' had their tongues down one another's throats the entire evening. In honesty, Jack hadn't even realized where it was that Chase was dragging him around to, since he was too fixated on Chase and Wuya, potentially fornicating underneath the tables at the various venues they attended. It wasn't until later that evening when Jack was soon to realize the reasoning behind this 'adventure'.

"So Jack," Wuya began snidely as the trio sat around Chase's lair comfortably, "How have you been lately? It seems like it's been ages since we last spoke."

"It has been," Jack nodded anxiously, "And to answer your question, I've been doing just fine."

'Keeping up with school okay," Wuya taunted as she circled the two men, walking about the room.

"Yes I have been," Jack replied, nervously, "I actually received my acceptance letter to Harvard yesterday..."

"Good for you," Wuya teased, tussling Jack's hair as she walked by.

"Enough," Chase sighed, commanding his mistress to cease her humiliating interrogation.

"As you wish," Wuya laughed, quietly walking back over to Chase. She sat down in his lap and began to run her thin fingers through his dark hair (only because she sensed that Jack couldn't stand it).

"There's a white elephant in the room," Chase sighed, "I feel it needs to be addressed..."

"What Chase is trying to say," Wuya began smugly, turning to Jack, "is that I know...about everything...and I'm okay with it."

"What are you talking about?" Jack inquired, feeling terrified.

"The 'thing' that the two of you have," Wuya replied, rolling her eyes, "I'm fine with it."

"Did I just step into the twilight zone?" jack exclaimed, rising to his feet, "I mean...what kind of woman hears the news that her boyfriend is cheating on her with another _guy _and is okay with it!"

"So you were going to tell me?" Wuya laughed in disbelief.

"At some point yes!" Jack exclaimed, "And just so you know," he snapped, turning to Chase, "I'm not okay with this!"

* * *

_Entry #37_

_I am taking the title 'other woman' to a whole new level. What crack is Wuya smoking that makes our situation okay! I mean not that I totally mind, I mean talk about payback for ditching me for Chase in the first place! But still, if it were me...I wouldn't be okay. Which, that makes this situation all the more weird. I'm preaching about how she shouldn't be okay with our homosexual relationship, and yet she's accepting that her future husband is a cheating bisexual whore, and that I am a lying, deceitful homewrecker and choosing to live with it..._

_I should be happy about this. But...well I am. it's only that I'm so confused about Wuya's reaction, I'm pissed that Chase lied to me, I'm scared he might break it off...I guess what I'm trying to say is happy is in me somewhere, it's just buried under a pile of other dominant emotions._

_I guess I have nothing else to say except I feel like Chase should choose between us. Wuya might be okay with the two of us...but I'm not if he's still with her. the easiest way I can put it is that I DON'T WANT TO SHARE!  
_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

One month later

"Chase wants to go out again tonight…" Jack began, violently running his hands through his bright red hair while he leaned against the marble sinks of the master bathroom, staring into the massive mirror.

"And?" A young woman replied, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, observing Jack and his bizarre and nonsensical panic attack, "It was my understanding that this was what you wanted?"

"But not like this!" Jack exclaimed, turning to the girl, "Put this in perspective Ashley…would you be okay with it."

"No," Ashley (otherwise known as _Katnappe_), "I mean if I was Wuya, I'd throttle you…but I'm not her and thank GOD I don't have to deal with this situation."

"Thanks," Jack scoffed, rolling his eyes and turning away from her. He proceeded to splash some cold water on his face and continued to stare hopelessly into the mirror, "As always…you are just _so_ helpful!"

"Hey!" Ashley replied, "Our parents are pushing for us to hang out all the time and truth be told, listening to your problems makes me feel normal for a change."

"It's not that my problems aren't normal," Jack sighed, "They're just not….they're complicated okay!"

"And I do have one question," Ashley replied, closing the door to the bathroom, as so their gossiping parents couldn't hear, "What's going to happen if Chase want's to take this to the next level…"

"How much farther can it go!" Jack exclaimed, leaning against the glass shower door.

"He could ask you to move in with him," Ashley replied, being honest with Jack, "Keep that in consideration."

"Ashley what if my dad finds out!" Jack whispered, burying his face in his hands, "He'll disown me for sure if he finds out I'm sleeping with a guy!"

"Then make it a priority that he doesn't find out…" Ashley shrugged, leaving the bathroom.

_Easier said than done…_ Jack thought, realizing that the situation had escalated to a point where he was no longer in control. Still, he heard his cell phone ringing.

"This is Jack," he stated, answering the call.

"Hey," Chase replied, sounding quite content, "I hope you're ready."

"It's only four o'clock," Jack replied, "I thought you were coming at six?"

"Change of plans," Chase laughed, "It's going to take us a while to get to where I'm taking you tonight."

"Which is?" Jack replied impatiently.

"Are you alright," Chase asked, his tone almost instantly changing, "You sound as though you're upset."

"Chase," Jack sighed, massaging his temples, "My parents are starting to ask questions…they keep wanting to meet this girlfriend that I don't have…what am I supposed to tell them?"

"I think I'll have an answer for you soon enough," Chase replied, sounding slightly excited and nervous, "Just be outside as soon as possible!"

* * *

"Where are we," Jack grumbled, rubbing his eyes and looking out of the window of the car. It was nearly six o'clock and the sun was setting. The car then stopped as Chase placed it in 'park' and exited the vehicle, walked to Jack's door and opened it for him. Jack took Chase's hand and stepped out of the vehicle, realizing that they were at a beach.

_This is oddly romantic…_Jack thought nervously as Chase placed his arm around Jack's waist and guided him down on to the sand.

"Do you remember this place?" Chase asked, looking down at Jack.

Jack replied that he had not.

"It's the same beach where you and I were first officially acquainted," Chase smiled, leading Jack to a large, flat rock where the pair sat.

"I can't believe you remember that," Jack laughed nervously, "I mean…I don't even remember this place-"

"How could I forget," Chase replied, gently stroking a strand of hair out of Jack's face. He then leaned in towards him, placing his hand on Jack's pale cheek. They kissed, but Jack seemed a little less enthusiastic than Chase would have wished, "What's wrong?" Chase replied, looking directly into Jack's eyes.

"It's just me," Jack replied, rolling his eyes, acting as though his feelings should be disregarded, "I have weird feelings about things sometimes…"

"I know," Chase nodded, reaching for something concealed within his person, "Jack I have something important to ask you."

"Oh god…" Jack replied nervously, feeling slightly sick, "This is what Ashley meant by _the next level_!"

"I don't know what that means," Chase laughed nervously.

"You're going to ask me to move in," Jack gulped, "Aren't you?"

"No," Chase replied with a slight smile, taking Jack's hand and kneeling down, "I'm asking you if you'd like to be my companion."

* * *

_Entry 42_

_I am the BIGGEST FAILURE AT LIFE! Chase basically asked me to marry him. So what did I respond with? I'll think about it! Who says 'I'll think about it'! I mean he asked me the question and god knows I wanted to say yes but do you think it came out! NO! I don't know if there is some subconscious part of me that wants to be straight still and doesn't want to make such a huge commitment to a man, but truth be told I thought Chase and I would be over long before he had the opportunity to consider partnership._

_I just want to feel normal again. People tell me that they think I've got things all figured out with my life, that I'm going to Harvard and that I'm on the right track, but in truth I'm not nearly as figured out as people think I am! And I would kill to have that feeling of control in my life back!_

_And another thing, I wanted this relationship to happen for three years. Back then, had I known it was going to make my life so difficult…it would have never gotten to this point._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_One Week Later..._

Jack awoke on a quiet monday morning laying down on his couch. He rolled over and looked across the living room at the clock hanging on the wall. It was nearly five a.m. Jack then looked around the room and noticed his father was sitting in an airmchair, staring at Jack from across the room.

"Dad..." Jack trembled, staring at his father, "What are you still doing up?"

"I've been awake all night," Jack's father replied, massaging his temples, "Fighting with your mother..."

"Dad..." Jack began, sitting up to face his father, "I meant to tell you sooner...It's just I was scared and things got so...so..."

"Out of control," Jack's father replied. He looked as though someone had, in one breath, told him that his mother had cancer, his first born son was dead, that someone had mutilated his cat, poisoned his water supply, burned his crops, and released a plague on to his home. In truth, all Jack had said was that his 'Girlfriend' was a man...and that he had recently proposed.

"I'm so sorry..." Jack replied, "If you never want to speak to me again I-"

"Chase Young?" His dad replied, looking down at the floor, "I mean...I've only met him once...but I thought he was...with someone...I mean he seemed like he was staright."

"dad I..." Jack began, unsure of what to say. It remained silent for several long moments, "I'm-"

"So would you be the groom or the bride?" His father interrupted.

"Uhm..." Jack began, not sure how to respond, "I...I...what!"

"Well," His father replied, "I need to know if I have to give my son away at his own wedding...or if I have to walk him down the isle...or if I'm supposed to be his best man..."

"Dad," Jack replied, as a wave of nostalgia began to overwhelm him, "You don't have to do this..."

"You're my son," His father replied, sitting down on the couch next to him, and wrapping his arms around Jack's neck, "And there are far worse things than having a gay son..."

"I wish more people thought that way," Jack frowned as his father pulled away.

"Naturally I wouldn't be so tolerant," His father smiled weakly, "But I would never turn my back on my own child!"

"Thanks dad," Jack smiled as the bizzare wave of Nostalgia washed over him once again, except this time he found himself crying for whatever reason.

"Harold!" Jack's mother shrieked, rushing into the room, staring down his father, "Why is Jack crying! What did you say to him!"

"For god's sake Margaret!" Jack's father exclaimed.

"Mom it's okay!" Jack began, "I'm not upset...I'm...I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now! But it's not bad!" he concluded, laughing slightly.

"So you're getting married then?" His mother replied, looking from Jack to his father, "And...it's okay with you?"

"Not Necissarily," Jack's father replied, "But I will be..."

Jack didn't know what else to say. He hugged his father once more and then he hugged his mother.

"I couldn't have parted with you...to anyone less worthy my dear," His mother smiled, wrapping her arms around her son once again. Jack then turned, left the living room, and then headed out of the door. His parents heard the door slam and His father looked up at his mother.

"We have a gay son..." His mother shrugged, non shalantly, "I guess that makes us trendy..."

* * *

"Chase!" Jack exclaimed, pounding on the door of his lair, "Chase open up! I've got to tell you something! My answer is yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I want to be with you! So please open the door!"

"Who are you?" A woman began, opening the door of the lair. She was tall, thin, and beautiful, with fair skin, blue eyes, and dark hair that cascaded all around her face, "And what do you want with my husband!"

"Husband..." Jack began, unsure of how to react to the situation, "you're...Chase's wife?"

"Oh god..." She began, laughing ironically as tears began to swell up in her eyes, 'You didn't know did you?"

"No..." jack replied, 'No...it's not what you think!"

"Have you slept with him?" She asked, looking over Jack.

"No..." Jack replied, as he began to supress tears, "No I haven't..."

"Don't lie to me," She scoffed, preparing to slam the door in jack's face, "You have...and I'm sure he gave you some song and dance about how he loves you...poor soul...You aren't the first confused teenage boy he's seduced...and I fear you won't be the last..." She cried as she slammed the door in Jack's face.

* * *

_Entry # 55_

_I'm not sure what to write about this situation...I'm not sure I ever will. But I do know that to all the men who say that women are a whole different species, have obviously never been gay..._


	7. Chapter 7

_Entry #179_

_Dear Journal..._

_So I've been thinking a lot lately about my 'time' with Chase...yeah you remember Chase right? That bastard who screwed me, then proposed, then didn't even have the balls to tell me. I'm just saying It's been nearly two years and I'm still thinking about the break-up. Yeah I'm pretty sure you remember how it was, but is it odd that I still think about it? After all, I don't miss him, and being almost as far away from him as humanly possible definately helps. But every so often I think about him. I wonder if he's still seducing teenage boys while keeping a mistress and a wife. I guess some people have needs, but in Chase's case guess he's got A LOT of needs. Still, it crosses my mind. But then again, you figure that once someone's made that much of an impression on your life, it almost seems like they're a part of you after a while. I know that there's still a part of me that may still love Chase..._

_But as far as girlfriends (yes Girlfriends as in YOUNG FEMALES!) go, Chase wasn't the world's best companion. However, as far as girlfriends go, Ashle_y _is totally boss. Oh yeah didn't I mention that...somehow Ashely and I happened. She was sort of my crying shoulder after Chase and I broke up. And I'm not entirely sure how it happened but one night I was complaining about it, she told me to move on, I said something like: "Okay sure, hey do you wanna make out?" and that was the end of that. It gets a little difficult at points though, me going to Harvard and her going to Columbia, but we get to see each other during breaks, mid-terms, and on some weekends. So in truth, Ashely and I being...a thing, is pretty great. And the one thing that I can rely on with Ashely, is that I can be sure that a supposedly non-existant husband will surface and break the news that she's married..._

_OH! and another thing! Did you know that his wife (Chase's that is) was pregant! Yeah since the time Chase and I broke up, she had the thing. I got to admit though, I feel kind of bad for the kid. Still, it doesn't really bother me now. In fact, even though I think back on it a lot, my history with Chase just feels like a bad dream rather than a huge chapter in my life. Like I said, there's a part of him that will always be a part of me, but I now know what it feels like to be wanted in an honest, healthy, normal relationship. A long time ago I wrote down that I was happy with Chase, but that happy was buried under a plethora of other emotions. That happy was under a pile. All I have left to say is, now happy is the pile._

* * *

_When I was younger_

_I saw my daddy cry_

_And curse at the wind _

_He broke his own heart_

_And I watched_

_As he tried to re assemble it_

_And my momma swore_

_That she would never let herself forget _

_And that was the day that I promised_

_I'd never to sing of love if it does not exist _

_But darlin you are the only exception_

_Well maybe I know_

_Somewhere deep in my soul_

_That love never lasts_

_And we've got to find other ways_

_To make it alone or keep a straight face_

_And Ive always lived like this_

_Keeping a comfortable distance_

_And up until now I had sworn to myself_

_That I'm content with lonliness_

_Because none of it was ever worth the risk_

_Well you are the only exception_

_I've got a tight grip on reality_

_But I cant let go of whats in front of me here_

_I know you're leaving in the morning_

_When you wake up_

_Leave me with some kind of proof_

_Its not a dream_

_You are the only exception_

_You are the only exception_

_And I'm on my way to believing _

_The End_

* * *

Okay so they lyrics above a Paramore's "the Only Exception" WHICH I DO NOT OWN! Okay so yeah just because I put the lyrics in the last chapter does NOT make it a song fic, relax people. I was just listening to that song when I wrote the last chapter and I thought "Hey! This really kinda fits with the story!" But yeah that's the end of the story (Honestly I'm surprised that It went on this long b/c it was intially going to be like 3 chapters :/) OH WELL!

HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED :D


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